Introduction

I was born and grew up in the Soviet Union. The Soviet Union was an atheist country and I was indoctrinated with their atheist propaganda. I was an atheist until I received Christ in 1991. After that, for 10 years, I was involved in the Bible-based cult. My experience there was very negative. One of the results was that I completely lost my faith in God. So, I made a switch back to atheism. Now, 10 years after I left the cult, I am a Christian, and I do not have problems with believing in God.

So, I had three switches from atheism to Christianity and vice versa. I am well aware that religion may be very abusive. But I also know that atheism may be very abusive too. I do not know what is better. Many people who were in religious cults completely turn away from religion and believe that all religions are abusive. However, it seems that people who experienced abusive atheism may have a similar experience. At least, the fact is that in the countries of the former Soviet Union there are much less atheists than in the Western countries. Only 5 to 10 percent of Russian citizens consider themselves atheists.

So, in a sense, my situation is special because I grew up in the country of abusive atheism and then I was in a group of abusive religion. What would be better for me: to turn away from atheism completely because it may be abusive or to turn away from religion completely because it also may be abusive? I do not think either would be right. I took another way. In one of my blog posts 3 years ago, I wrote (http://lemanal.blogspot.com/2009/04/what-is-faith.html):

"There are two kinds of faith. The first is when you believe just because you follow what somebody tells you to believe. This is the imitative faith, and it is promoted in cults and cultic churches. The second is when you had your own considerations, examined pros and contras, and made your own conclusions. This is the reasonable faith. Actually, the second kind of faith is considered to be higher and more matured. "I realized that I do not want to just follow others. I want to consider and examine everything and make my own conclusions before believing in something. This means that I do not want to have just an imitative faith, but I want to have a reasonable faith."

I think I mostly reached my goal of having a reasonable faith by now.